dendritic arborization • I like that phrase

disordered thought processes

hidden in the seeming chaos is beautiful, elegant order—at least, I hope that's true.

the violence of translation

posted on December 13th, 2008

A copy of a copy of a copy…

Hindi iyon totoong daan ang daan na madaanan
Hindi iyon totoong pangalan ang pangalan na maipangalan

The way that can be travelled upon is not the true way
The name that can be named is not the true name

English words are pretty versatile. You can use verbs as nouns, nouns as verbs, adjectives as nouns, etc., etc., but it’s not completely permissive. While the noun “name” has the corresponding verb “to name”, there isn’t a verb form of the word “way”, for example. As versatile as English is, Tagalog is even more so, where every word seems like it can be transformed into the necessary part-of-speech. So “daan” can become “madaan”.

Of course, the original is written in Chinese, which I can’t read one bit of, but I’m still trying to get to the essence of these first two lines.

rivermaya "himala"

posted on September 6th, 2007

It was 1996 when I first heard this song, on the island of Tablas, in the province of Romblon, awaiting a plane to take us back to Manila.

I still think of that fleeting moment on the edge of the sea, just her and I, and I wonder if I could’ve said the right things, or not said anything at all

I remember the flight from Manila to San Francisco, and the dark velvet of the night sky. It felt like I was actually in outer space, floating amidst the stars.

If I ask the sky for a miracle, would it be wrong? But that miracle never came true.

The original is by Rivermaya, but I couldn’t find a good video with them in it. This is a fan-made video for a version that is a duet between Yeng Constantino and Jay-R.

Pangarap ko’y
My wish:
makita kang
to see you
naglalaro sa buwan.
playing on the moon.
Inalay mo
You offered
sa aking ang
to me
gabing walang hangganan.
the never-ending night.
Hindi mahanap
We will not find
sa lupa ang pag-asa.
on earth, any hope.
Nakikiusap na lang.
We can only plead.
Himala,
A miracle,
kasalanan bang
is it a sin
humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Kasalanan bang
Is it a sin
Humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Pangarap ko’y
I wish for
Liwanag ng umaga
the brightness of morning
Naglalambing
that caresses
Sa iyong mga mata
your eyes
‘di mahagilip
We will not catch sight
sa lupa ang pag-asa.
on earth, of any hope.
Nakikiusap sa buwan.
We’ll ask it of the moon.
Himala,
A miracle,
kasalanan bang
is it a sin
humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Kasalanan bang
Is it a sin
Humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?

And even if I could, I wouldn’t dare turn back the clock to try and undo my decisions that led me down this path.

I see it now. Even if I got caught in a temporal loop like in “Groundhog Day”, I don’t think I could ever get things right.

And I guess it was her wish, her miracle, that came true.

This is the original version of the song, sync’ed to a video featuring the lead characters of Final Fantasy VIII: Rinoa Heartilly and Squall Lionheart.

And even then, her visage haunted me, in my dreams and in my waking moments. Even in her absence, she was there. And I was lost and forsaken, and didn’t know where to go. I still don’t.

She is like a star, flying further and further away from me, leaving this black emptiness of night between us, this chasm that I could never cross, growing wider and deeper with each passing day, until even her light will not reach me