dendritic arborization • I like that phrase

disordered thought processes

hidden in the seeming chaos is beautiful, elegant order—at least, I hope that's true.

rivermaya "himala"

posted on September 6th, 2007

It was 1996 when I first heard this song, on the island of Tablas, in the province of Romblon, awaiting a plane to take us back to Manila.

I still think of that fleeting moment on the edge of the sea, just her and I, and I wonder if I could’ve said the right things, or not said anything at all

I remember the flight from Manila to San Francisco, and the dark velvet of the night sky. It felt like I was actually in outer space, floating amidst the stars.

If I ask the sky for a miracle, would it be wrong? But that miracle never came true.

The original is by Rivermaya, but I couldn’t find a good video with them in it. This is a fan-made video for a version that is a duet between Yeng Constantino and Jay-R.

Pangarap ko’y
My wish:
makita kang
to see you
naglalaro sa buwan.
playing on the moon.
Inalay mo
You offered
sa aking ang
to me
gabing walang hangganan.
the never-ending night.
Hindi mahanap
We will not find
sa lupa ang pag-asa.
on earth, any hope.
Nakikiusap na lang.
We can only plead.
Himala,
A miracle,
kasalanan bang
is it a sin
humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Kasalanan bang
Is it a sin
Humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Pangarap ko’y
I wish for
Liwanag ng umaga
the brightness of morning
Naglalambing
that caresses
Sa iyong mga mata
your eyes
‘di mahagilip
We will not catch sight
sa lupa ang pag-asa.
on earth, of any hope.
Nakikiusap sa buwan.
We’ll ask it of the moon.
Himala,
A miracle,
kasalanan bang
is it a sin
humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?
Kasalanan bang
Is it a sin
Humingi ako sa langit ng
if I ask heaven for
isang himala?
one miracle?

And even if I could, I wouldn’t dare turn back the clock to try and undo my decisions that led me down this path.

I see it now. Even if I got caught in a temporal loop like in “Groundhog Day”, I don’t think I could ever get things right.

And I guess it was her wish, her miracle, that came true.

This is the original version of the song, sync’ed to a video featuring the lead characters of Final Fantasy VIII: Rinoa Heartilly and Squall Lionheart.

And even then, her visage haunted me, in my dreams and in my waking moments. Even in her absence, she was there. And I was lost and forsaken, and didn’t know where to go. I still don’t.

She is like a star, flying further and further away from me, leaving this black emptiness of night between us, this chasm that I could never cross, growing wider and deeper with each passing day, until even her light will not reach me